When you are broken and down-and-out pushing through can be very difficult due to a variety of reasons. All aspects of ourselves become involved, our bodies, minds and spirit, unfortunately, when one suffers they all suffer.
If there were ever someone prepared for dealing with issues related to mental illness, it would have been me. I started my career in serving the mentally ill back in 1995 at Bridgewater State Hospital, BSH, when I was twenty-three. For those of you who do not know, BSH is a maximum-security prison surrounded by razor wire fencing and a tower with a sharpshooter, designed for housing the criminally insane. The facility holds both those under observation (to determine if they are insane, which is a legal term not a psychological term) and those who have been deemed appropriate for BSH rather than typical correctional facilities. As a mental health worker I was direct line staff and had responsibilities to interact with the patients in groups and individually. This required developing a thick skin and the ability to show no fear. After pretending for quite awhile I did eventually develop these skills. This is when I learned that no matter how exhausted I was, I had to dig deep and push forward and never let my guard down. Ironically, BSH was the safest place I ever worked, surrounded by Correction Officers, and a full two weeks of intensive training. During the training process they told us they do not negotiate in hostage situations, comforting. However, they did teach you several ways to save your life and take down even the largest of men. It was something like self-defense on crack.
From there I went to working in the community, I had made the decision that my place in the system was trying to prevent the mentally ill from ending up in places like BSH, as in most cases at BSH their crimes could have been prevented through proper treatment, including antipsychotic medications. In the community the atmosphere was completely different. The overall goal of community-based mental health services is to guide an individual to their maximum functioning level possible. For some this is simply not being in a locked facility but still requiring twenty-four hour care, where as with others it may be checking in with them once a month because they have achieved the level of functioning in their own apartment. Working in the community I held several positions and continued my education. I started as direct care staff, held a variety of supervisory positions and ended developing trainings and teaching community staff about a variety of mental health topics. Ironically one of the last trainings I wrote and presented was on grief and loss, the five stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance (the Kübler-Ross model). In my training I explained that this process does not occur exclusively when there is a death. I used the example of an individual who suddenly requires a wheelchair and that this individual will need to go through the process of grief and loss. The conclusion of the training offered suggestions for resources and suggestion for working with individuals going through the process.
Needless to say, it is very hard to be objective when you are the subject. Therefore, it is essential to avoid seclusion and avoidance of others. I was continuously aware of this behavior with particular clients over the years. This was a sign that their symptoms were increasing and become difficult to tolerate. Luckily for me, a few friends had their radar up watching for this behavior in me, as I go through the grief/loss process. For those of you who have never experienced depression, the last thing you want to do is get out of bed and be social. Therefore, my friends have been using a technique I often used with others, the surprise visit with coffee in hand. The coffee gets you in the door and the rest comes naturally.
It is very strange being on this side of the situation and I recognize techniques people use, not even realizing they are clinically tested and recommended; it just comes naturally to them. This support from friends is far more essential than I realized when adding this to a client’s treatment plan. Being the client, I better understand why our techniques work in the community, but only through hindsight. Prior to that my friends come to the rescue and guide me through until I make it through my funk, as I call them. These are the people who keep me grounded and able to get through the day. It doesn’t hurt that my husband works in the field and has a great technique for keeping me off the “pity-pot” which includes the use of words like “you’re a Mom”, “your kids need you” and “get over it!” He has the ability to say the tough stuff; the stuff people don’t want to hear but it needs to be said for progress to be made. My Girls just seem to know what I need and when I need it, they make the bad days tolerable and the good days are simply better when I am with them.
Take away reminders:
ü When feeling depressed do not isolate yourself from others.
ü Your friends have the ability to be essential and critical aspects of your recovery.
ü You cannot run away from the grief/loss process you have to go through it to get to the other side of it all.
ü When your husband is offensive and disagreeable, it is not always a bad thing.
Resource:
http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
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