The Crab Crawl

Shortly after my last post, that day in fact, I had a bad fall.  I had been practicing my walking skills outside of my home, something that scares me to death. 

Inside my home I am able to control the environment to some extent.  Most of the hazards are identified, I have developed a routine that is safety-driven getting around my home and have worked hard with my family to help me avoid accidents.  Outside of the home, however, controlling variables is much more difficult and that is what scares me.  This fear has held me back, literally took the strength right out of my body and kept me from aspects of my life.

Then there I was in my own yard and my own dog was playing and knocked me down; knocking both my feet out and to the front.  I fell hard directly onto the base of my spine; my worst fear had just been realized.

Ice, ice and more ice!        

It took two weeks for me to independently get around.  Literally enlisting the help of a fourteen-year-old girl to get to and from the doctor, I was not in great shape for sure.  I kept thinking, because that is all you can do when you are stuck, about getting “back on the horse.” 

Not feeling much like fighting or rallying I was yet again at a crossroads.  I had not been to aqua PT in weeks and was feeling physically and mentally weak.  I am not sure if I believe in fate, but I have faith in something greater than myself and I asked for help.  This was not my first time experiencing that moment of “sick and tired of being sick and tired” and I now had a new type of insight into my physical recovery journey.  After a retrospective of the last twenty years of my life some things became clear and I began to use strategies learned in “the halls” all those years ago.

Two days later…”heading to the beach!”…Me too damn it!

I had thought about the plan for quite some time but could I really pull it off so gracefully and efficiently to actually get myself down the hill, along the path and to the water?

It was the graceful part that I couldn’t pull off, due to the fact that the plan included sliding down a grass hill on my bottom.  Yes, I did.  I got across the street with my son’s walking stick got down on my kiester using all the upper body strength I could muster I gently slid myself down with hands and feet.  Then I used the stick to get up and walk on the path toward the water where I was able to pull off a dive in five inches of water.

What a glorious feeling!  I didn’t just eliminate the barriers I destroyed them because I was feeling triumphant.  I enjoyed the water with my three men and we have a great family memory to add to the list.  I then climbed the hill on my hands and feet, the crab craw, and stood up with the aid of the stick only.  All three cheered in pride and I felt like a champion.

I had gone from a very dark place in my head where things were hopeless to feeling like an Olympian in a matter of days.

The take home:

     If you feel hopeless you need to reach out to someone you trust.  The place you go to in your head when you feel hopeless can be toxic and insidiously destroy all that is important to you.  You can’t really trust yourself fully when you are in a true state of hopelessness; it is like a drug that distorts reality.  Please heed my words and learn what you can from them.