This picture seemed appropriate as I go into my forties with mixed emotion. Time flies and half my life is now behind me, yet the next half does look somewhat promising. As I reflect back on the days of my boys being little babies, a tear comes to my eye. It seems like just yesterday that I held them in my arms keeping them safe from harm. Now despite my resistance, they are growing up and becoming wonderful young men. This is a bittersweet emotion. I miss being able to keep them close, however, I could not be more proud of who they are as individuals.
Well the clock hit midnight and I am forty. Nothing. I looked up and to my left was a friend of more than thirty-five years and to my right, my adoring husband. It was peaceful and a moment I will remember with an association of love and admiration.
What is the fear of forty? One day your not the next you are, where is the danger, fear and loss. After careful introspection and reflection I solved the mystery. When we are teens we are free to be narcissistic, when we are in our twenties we are free to explore, when we are in our thirties we are solidifying and surviving the present, once we hit forty we must commit to thinking about preparing for our future. This future includes our children growing up and leaving to start their own lives, a budget that is tighter than it is now, and days on end of work with little room to grow because we have already climbed the ladder.
The solution to the equation:
1. GRANDCHILDREN.
2. Sell the house and get a cheap condo in Florida.
3. Look down the ladder and be proud of how far we have climbed.
Now that I have solved the mystery, how will that translate into my planning for the future? I must say there are dark moments as I consider what my future holds. However, the looming fear of one day needing a wheelchair is a depressing heaviness I will no longer have to carry. This anxiety is now a chapter I can close; Sentenced to the Chair is officially closed.
There is a freedom that comes with closing a chapter in our lives, a freedom that only comes from facing our fears and coming out alive, still standing and exhausted at the other end. Now as I close this chapter and move on to the next I must carefully consider what do I want to come next?
I feel I have a little more control over how the next chapters of my life will be written; I have learned I can influence how my story unfolds. That being said, I had to really think about how to operate my newfound power (empowerment) and how to soak it for all it was worth.
I have no control over my condition, nor did I have control over the circumstances that brought me to this physically disabled state, but I do have the freedom to determine that I still have a life worth living! The freedom to decide if I was going to hit this head-on and fight, to fight for the best life possible for my family and myself.
The Nanaisms in the forefront of my mind are:
• “You have to work hard for anything worth getting.”
• “Your as strong as you think you are.”
• “You are only as old as you feel.”
• “You can do anything you set your mind to.”
• “Quit talking, start doing.”
• “You can make it work.”
Nevertheless I believe her “advice” to me rings the loudest. As mentioned she is my measure in life, therefore I had to ask myself the question what would Nana tell me?
The following came to mind, and in this order:
“Make sure them Deery boys make that doohickey to get you over to the beach. Get that hot tub thingy over here, and enjoy the HECK out of it! Don’t let anyone stand in your way, and if they do roll ‘em over!”
~Look out here I come!
lol, I love it! I turned 40 on Jan. 23rd. Your nana sounds like a wonderful person..and I love that wheelchair!
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