Snap Out of It!

There are times when we need a reality check; when we get too involved in ourselves and lose perspective on life.  There is a clinical term used when working with the mentally ill that is actually called Reality Checking.  Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our problems that our brains can become a feeding ground for internal chaos.  When lost in this internal chaos, a slight detachment from reality does occur and prompting from someone in your life may be necessary to point this out.   However, stay away from the stereotypical slap across the face move for this is not actually helpful.

Ways to detect that you have experienced a split from reality:

• ü  You in fact think that you are the most important thing in the world and without you life would cease to exist.  (i.e., You arrive at appointments when you get there, not when you are supposed to or when you are scheduled to get there.)
• ü  You no longer think that rules apply to you because of your circumstances.  (i.e.,You are in a hurry for the train so you don't wait for the light and dart into traffic causing others to make accommodations to avoid hitting you.)
• ü  You lack the insight to see that others around you are suffering too; the drama queen. (i.e., You may have totally valid issues in your life, but don't make issues where there aren't any.)
• ü  You think that the rules of life should change because of your circumstances. (Closer to home, i.e., thinking you shouldn’t have to pay your bill because it is the same company for whom you have intense feelings of contempt because they took...)
• ü  Or my favorite, nothing moves until you do.  (i.e., you can stop in the middle of the street and let your friend catch up and get in the car while me and all the others cars pile up behind you because, well, we can just wait.)

If you think you might need a reality check, or someone in your life thinks you do, visit Children’s Hospital in Boston.  There is always someone who has it worse than you and we must be humbled by the magnanimous strength of those who handle life with such grace.  If a six-year-old child can accept they are going to die, than we should be able to just suck it up and be grateful for the life we have.

This is not always easy; in fact it can be quite difficult to change your perspective so colossally.  In order to think of others we must be able to first understand that we have more than we think we do and second that we are not only here on this planet for ourselves but also to honor and celebrate the lives of others, and three that we have control over many aspects of life.

My favorite technique for identifying what to be grateful for involves a humbling moment, such as the above mentioned visit to Children's, followed by creating a list of all the things that are good in my life.  When I look at the list I realize I am very well off in the love department, three great healthy men, one fantastic guard dog, and we have everything we need to be happy. 

In spite of the latter, I often find myself in a mode of anger, resentment and experiencing every human's worst enemy, self-pity.   The key is to take note of others perceptions of your behavior, statements, and emotions.  Most likely you will not have to solicit this feedback, typically others are offering their observations independently.  An important aspect of this process is to be open to receiving others perspectives of ourselves. 

Several times in my own journey, I have become defensive quickly and required some time alone to process the feedback I was given.  This allowed me to open up enough to examine the statements regarding my behavior, emotions, dispositions, etc., it is through this examination and attempting to see my actions through another’s eyes that allows me to transpose my perspective. 

It is natural to get over-involved in ourselves; we fail to see beyond our own little world.  I know how easy this is with kids, homework, sports, activities, dinner, laundry, work, and the million other things we do each week.  However, I challenge you to think of others after this posting and do one nice thing for someone else just to add a little positivity to the world.  Make someone laugh, allow a car to enter the lane ahead of you at the merge, resist yelling at the “stupid driver” in front of you, smile and say hello to someone who looks unhappy, call a friend to say thanks for everything you do, call your Mom and say I love you, hold the door for someone, whatever it is just take the control to make a difference for someone other than yourself.

~Moonstruck (1987) "Snap out of it!"