Goodbye 2011…

Well, 2011 it has been a mixed bag, as is life, there are moments I care to forget but many more I will cherish for as long as I live. 

I am most proud of my amazing children who have made me feel able, lovable and strong.  How they made me laugh… my favorite?

It is fall and we have recently moved into our first house.  Referencing back to my psych days, I am very careful to ensure that I do all I can to make the transition from their home, the only one they know, to this new place we keep calling home.  They LOVE the new house…no transitions issues? Wow this is great.  Life would be boring if we didn’t mix it up a bit right?  So along comes the news, Mom needs to be in a wheelchair.  Again, careful of the kids’ mental health I contemplate how do we deal with this.  How do I tell them such a thing?  “Hey guys Mom’s got a new set of Wheels?”  “No, that won’t do.”   I inform the teachers, principle, the guidance counselor and of course the school nurse. Set up help for afterschool transport and the eyes of other parents until I get their on my pick-up days.  “That’s all set.”

So I now carefully consider how much they need to know, assure them their lives wont change much, let them know how many people we have in our lives to help pick up the slack, etc., etc.  

The wheelchair arrives, they knew I had fallen a bunch of times so they immediately accept the new adaptation with little reaction at all.  They go outside with a friend to play and I sigh with relief, just bought myself sometime to solidify my “presentation” to the boys!

But then go in to panic mode once again, “OK you really need to come up with what you are going to tell them now!  This is big shit you need to get this right! OK… OK… your main goal is make sure they don’t take on all this added weight of worrying about Mom.  Be strong! You can do this.”

THEN, looking out the window it is clear I have overanalyzed the whole thing!  There is Jack and his friend riding their bikes, and being the good kids they are they are wearing helmets and riding in the allowed areas.  AND  then there is JOELY, my wonderful and fun-filled Joely… In my wheelchair, helmet on and practicing wheelys up and down the street J

2011 you gave me so many memories, our first fire in the fireplace of our first home, having family and friends celebrate a wonderful Christmas, NOT NEEDING FLOOD INSURANCE J, a lifetime of friendships resulting in several people reaching out and providing strength to keep on, and who can forget the pounds I am leaving you with as I move toward 2012! 

2011, you can KEEP the following experiences as I move on:

ü  my multiple ER visits due to falling on my face

ü  the stress of buying a house

ü  the sound of idling diesel engines echoed by the ambulance bay

ü  my fear of the shower (although I think the tricked out bath might have been for his benefit…perhaps it was a less-than-subtle hint)

ü  my feeble body (PT last week, “your getting some serious guns!)

ü  Lastly, my BIG FAT ASS J

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

  

Funny Story... A Day at the Spa

So I promised to make you laugh and that last one was a downer so I am feeling guilty.  Decided to think of a funny one as a neutralizer...

It was my niece's birthday and I wanted to get her something special.  She is at that age when toys are stupid and she has everything a girl her age thinks is cool.
So I decided what is better that spending quality time with ME :)  I made her a cute little gift certificate that said I was going to take her out for a great day at the spa.  Well, this was back in the spring and with all that went on trying to find a house and increasing numbers of trips to the doctors we didn't get there until a week ago!
So I did all this calling around to make it extra special since it took so long...couldn't get in anywhere, literally.  I decided we would have to settle on the usual mani-pedi and just make it extra fun.  Made the appts, set it up with her and her parents, arranged child care for the boys (after all it was a girls only event) and we were gonna have fun damn it!
The day came, I grabbed 2 pair of flip-flops, a hot chocolate for her and a chocolate coffee for me, drove to her school and found a parking spot.  As I sat there waiting for her to come out, I had an awful thought:  "SHIT! Where am I going to park!"
You see it had been so long I forgot that all of the parking is on this wicked steep hill.  I sat and pondered what was around that area and see if I could park somewhere else.  I thought of a spot, she jumped in the car and we headed for a relaxing day at the spa!
I told her I had grabbed us each a pair of flip-flops so we wouldn't ruin our cute toes when they were done.  "Great, I forgot about that!"
We drive to my imagined parking spot and I told her about my idea and why we needed to park there. As we pull up, the building is gone and the lot is all taped off...Shit!
We drive past the place and notice a spot on the main street.  I turn around and grab it.  This means we will have to walk and roll for a short distance but it will be safe.  Not considering the fact that I will have to cross the steep hill... As we approached it I looked at her and she at me, she was carrying my coffee so I would have two hands and we made it across without too much trouble.
We get in the place and it has been all redone, including huge recliners with massage while you get your pedi done. Yay!!  BUT "oops we forgot the flip-flops!"
Well the obvious solution was she run back to the car and get them. I gave her my keys and off she went.  I got myself up into my cozy vibrating chair and stuck my feet in as her foot tub was filling in the chair next to me.  Time was passing and she was not back.  "What could she be doing?"  "Her bag is here, she is not texting." "What is taking so long, she couldn't have gotten lost!"  Then just as she came through the door it occurred to me, she set off the alarm and could shut it off! She looked so frazzled and cold...she hopped in the chair and began to tell me the story.
We had a great time and now it was time to go.  Well, for those of you who have had a mani-pedi you know what the number one goal is when you are walking and getting into your car, DON'T MESS THEM UP!
So, my feet are still lathered in lotion and in flip-flops (not a good combo to start with) and I don't want to wrap my fingers around the wheels of my chair, so I am trying to propel myself with just the palms of my heavily lotions hands.  Well, let's just say if you saw me that day you would have laughed your asses off.
So we reach the hill... I am using my feet and palms to the very best of my ability, however, it is extremely hard to get a forward motion when your flip-flops keep sliding off and you refuse to actually grab your wheels!  Half way across traffic is stopped and my left front wheel turns and faces downhill...OH SHIT!
I decide I must grab at least on the left and begin to turn upward, she get there as quick as she can to overcompensate for the hill, but she is holding our shoes and yes I was still nursing my chocolate coffee for all it was worth.  She overcompensated all right, I nearly headed out on to the main drag (as my Mom calls it) but then we swung back the other way and I was safely on the side walk, on flat ground and almost at my car.  "Whew that was close! Shit how are my nails?!"  No smudges, great!
We get to my car and I tell her it is freezing just hop in I got this.  I wheel around to the back and prepare to complete a task I have become very good at.  I open the back of my van, put my chair breaks on, and using my upper-body, lift up out of my chair and into the back of the van.  I sit on the edge, reach over grab my chair, fold it and swing it up into its space next to me in the back.
Well, this day it didn't quite go that smooth.  Mind you I am still being careful not to ruin my nails, so I carefully put my breaks on with my slippery palms, then attempt lifting up with just my palms and I was successful! I swung up and landed square in the back just as planned.  However, I was somehow also still attached to my chair, so when I went to sit upright my chair came with me.
Laughing hysterically I call to the front, "I'm stuck!"  But she has no idea what I am saying because I am laughing too hard.  Finally, I realize my jacket was somehow caught in my wheel-break!  Still trying to preserve my toes and hands, I reach over and attempt to unlock my break without actually grabbing hold of it.  Well, if you have ever used a wheel chair, taking the break off is harder than putting it on, especially when you are hanging upside-down out of the back of a van, with a piece of material jammed in there and laughing so hard your just praying you don't piss your pants as everyone is looking trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
As she is getting more confused, I yelled, "I got it!" and the van jerked and in went my chair!
First check the nails, I'm good, but I did apparently run over my right baby toes at some point along the way...oh well that might clean up.  I slowly walk using my car to stabilize me...with my slipper-ass palms along the van to the drivers seat.  I "hop" in and take a deep breath :)
"A wonderful relaxing day at the spa" I say, hoping she is not too traumatized by her oh so wonderful birthday gift from Auntie Johanna  :)

Comcast CEO gets Ambassador for Humanity Award for 2011...

Ok, this was very hard to swallow!!!!!!
Below you will find the letter I wrote to Mr. Brian Roberts, CEO.

Brian Roberts, CEO
Comcast Corporate Office
One Comcast Center
Philadelphia, PA 19103-2838
215-286-8960

Mr. Brian Roberts, CEO:

I am writing this letter because I need to tell you the damaging effects your corporation is responsible for due to an accident with one of your trucks.  I understand the statute of limitation in Massachusetts.  However, I was recently informed that I will live out the rest of my life in a wheelchair.  I need you to know my name.  I need you to know what happened to me.  I need you to make this right.

My name is Johanna Deery and in May of 2005 I was hit from behind by one of your Trucks in Cambridge Massachusetts.  The employee driving the truck was in a leased vehicle but with the Comcast name prominently displayed on the truck.  I was told however that the driver had falsified his insurance documentation and therefore Comcast found a way to not be liable.  I could have pursued criminal charges against the company but at the time had neither the funds nor the strength to do so.  Thus I had no recourse.  Since then, I have completely my Master of Criminal Justice degree from Boston University.  It seems to me that failing to confirm a drivers insurance coverage would make Comcast liable, at least in part.

In short, as a result of the accident I developed a rare neurological disease that at the time was not well understood.  The disease causes cysts to develop on the nerve endings inside the spine.  It is very painful, multiplies, affects the cerebral spinal fluid, causes nerve damage and has no cure. Today, through a great deal of research conducted by some of the most talented neurosurgeons around the world there have been significant findings and a better understanding of the disease and it’s causes.  The former Chief of Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore Maryland, one of the leading neurosurgeons dedicated to finding a treatment or cure for this disease, personally treated me and is considered one of the experts on this disease.

Due to the accident I lost my ability to have children, suffered severe depression and PTSD, lost time with my children- ages 2 and 3 at the time of the accident, my ability to work is gone and I have to rely on SSDI payments at a third of my paycheck, and slowly lost my ability to walk. 

Which brings us to today, instead of celebration this holiday season we are desperately trying to trying to adapt our home to accommodate my daily needs and try to come up with the money to cover Christmas for our two boys who still believe there is a Santa.  Will I have to ruin their dreams of magic and joy and tell them we can’t have Christmas this year? We are left with the huge problem of figuring out code and paying a contractor just so I can get in and out of my home.  We are left to ponder how I can get in and out of my car to bring my sons to sports, scouts and other activities.  We are left holding all of the damage, scars and hurdles, while your company will not even allow me a good bundle price because I am already a customer.  Verizon has not yet come to my area.  This whole mess, which has become my life, seems so unfair but now my children are being punished.  For example, my son Jack who is now 10 was one of the top draft picks for the majors division for 10-13 year-old boys, what if I can’t get him to practices or games because I can’t get in and out of my car?  He lives for baseball, he would be devastated!  All he wants for Christmas is a good bat that is big enough for him; I had to buy him a used one off Craig’s List and couldn’t even afford that.  Yet I know if I don’t pay my cable bill you will shut it off, and my husband wont be able to complete his on-line degree.  Do you see where I am going with this?  I am haunted every month by the whole experience every time I pay my bills. 

I am done being haunted.  You and your company need to step up to the plate and make this right.  I fear if you don’t I will never move on, therefore I must achieve resolution because I refuse to give you my future too.  I expect that you will respond to this letter by contacting me as soon as possible. If you do not respond, I will feel forced to take further action, and will research every legal possibility to ensure that Comcast takes responsibility for what has been done to me.

I understand that you recently received the Ambassador for Humanity Award, and because of this fact I want to share some insight.  It is really not in my nature to me so aggressive but finding out at 39 that you will spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair and your children will suffer because of it, seems to be bringing that unrelenting bit of my personality.

I also have a BA in psychology, and my last try at working I held the positions of Clinical Supervisor and Trainer. I had my dream job, I was able to teach and encourage all levels of staff working with the chronically mentally ill individuals in the community.  I was good at my job and I was a real asset to the community.  I had developed a reputation and became a liaison with the local police department, advocated in court for our clients, had contact with local media developing relationships along the way and I inspired people including at the State house, because I had talent.

One of the trainings I would teach discussed the process of grief and loss, which occurs not just when one has died but whenever we experience a great loss in our lives.  The stages are Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  I went through these stages when they had to take my uterus.  I went through the stages when I became chronically incontinent. I went through these stages when I could no longer go on family outings.  I went through these stages when my five-year-old little boy asked me if I was ever going to get better.  Each time I went through the stages trying to reach acceptance.  I am tired of being the one that is always feeling the grief and loss, the one fighting for acceptance.  It is your turn now.  Can you accept what your company has done to my family?

Respectfully,

Johanna L Deery, MCJ

Update:

They stand on the fact that the driver was in a leased van not a Comcast owned van (even thought it said COMCAST in huge writing all over it) and that the statute of limitations is past.  

Ambassador for Humanity my ass!    

So now I have this song running in my head:

Bad Boys Bad Boys What you Gonna Do

What you Gonna Do when I come for you...    :)

A trip to the bank...

Background information:
During the process of obtaining a mortgage I realized how much we were being charged in fees by our bank! I know...I'm the idiot who didn't open my bank statements what can I say.
As a result of my new found financial savvy, I decided to change banks and get a better deal.  We began the process of transferring incoming and outgoing funds as soon as the house-buying process was complete.  I carefully balanced the incoming monies from the accounts with the out going funds (or so I thought, but that is another story entirely) and was at the point of closing out 2 of 3 accounts at The Bad Bank. 
Today is the day I am going to close those accounts...bloodsuckers!  I am exhausted so I decide I will just write the teller a note:
     Hello Sir or Madam,
     I require a wheelchair and am feeling too tired to get it out of the back and could I close accounts B and C and gave her the necessary information.
The response: YOU MUST COME IN!
Excuse me?
YOU MUST COME IN!
I replied with sarcasm, and made sure to point out I was being sarcastic...just in case she didn't catch it the first time.
Now I'm PISSED so no longer too tired.  I pull over into a spot walking palms against the length of my van to the back, open it up, throw myself into the back of the van, grab my chair, whip it out onto the ground, slam the breaks on and throw myself into the chair.
I slam the van shut and starting rolling toward the door... a man is just existing the bank while another man jogs ahead of me... I'm thinking great those doors are heavy as hell.
I get to the door just as the man exiting is handing the door off to the jogger...I get half way through and jogger drops the door on me!  The door is so heavy I start to tip over!  I try repositioning my weight but I know I'm going down.  I don't know if it was the sound or what but exiting man, runs back to the door and grabs it just in time for me to get myself upright again.  He then opened the next door to help me through.  THANK YOU!!!!!
So I get in the bank and NOW I"M REALLY PISSED!
I roll into the direct center of the bank and begin to assess the staff.  I'm am attempting to profile the manager...I look to my right there is a young women working with a customer who barely has noticed me there.  I turn to the left and one by one observe the body language of each bank staff member.  As I near then end of the line, I notice the tall thin young man.  While all eyes are on me at this point, Lord knows what they were all thinking :)
As I study his face I notice he has acne, a cheap suit and is staring down!  I look around some more as he avoids eye contact with me the tellers start to appear nervous; eyes darting from their respective customers, to me, TO HIM, and this cycle continued...as a sat and observed. Yup that's him.
By now our young manager looked like he might pee his pants...I have 2 young boys so I felt for him a bit and decided to end his misery.
I started to slowly roll over to him.  He slowly looked up and I caught his eyes with mine.  He said something to a pretty young teller and began to walk my way....something like the way my youngest does once I have bagged him hiding homework he didn't finish.
As he approach I said, "Are you the manager?" (in an annoyed voice that sounded just like MY Mom)
In a soft and cracking voice he replied with a yes.
I explained my drive-thru experience and then almost being maimed just getting into the frigging bank and that "I was only going to close 2 of my accounts but now I want to close all 3 and I want my money right now!"
Needless to say, all eyes were on me for sure now!  I was quickly being helped and apologies galore.  I was fuming...I yelled you need a button on that door how do you expect someone like me to get in here when your damn policies mandate that we come in here to complete specific transactions!!!!
OK so if he hadn't peed his pants yet he was about to...the dreaded frustration cry!!!
I bust into tears which were only fueled by my further frustration that I was crying and I was really PISSED that I was because I was not sad...but I am pretty certain I did look quite pathetic at this point.
Tissue were being shoved in my face and promises of buttons..."I'll call as soon as you leave"...and then came the transaction.  I signed the paperwork and she handed me my money...
Remember I told you we were transferring funds and such.  Well she quietly said, "Here you are Mrs. Deery, thirty-six dollars and forty-seven cents."  I could have LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!!
As much as I appreciated her whispering the amount, I took that money as if it were 50grand and snapped a thank you at her.  The Manager escorted me to the door and offered to put my wheelchair in my car for me...poor kid.  I told him in the sternest Mom voice I could muster, "I will be back to check on the status of that button!"
And I rolled away...

Welcome!

Hello All:
Given this is my first official post I should give a little more background on my new blog.
I was once a professional woman with two little boys and my husband was a stay-at-home Dad.   I thought I was so successful in life.  My own Dad died when I was seven, my Mom was faced with unbelievable challenges of being left with seven children to raise alone.  She attended driver's ed at age 50 to get her license, she attending junior college to obtain business skills, got a job with the state, and made 10 grand in life insurance stretch so far she was able to help me with college!
Due to her own experiences, she pushed her five daughters to be independent women who could stand on their own two feet no matter what life threw at them.
Fast forward... I was the Mom of 2 beautiful little boys and had a management position in a field that helped others while also doing a job I loved and felt passionate about.  I was married to (still am) the best daddy I could ever hope for my children; staying home during the day spending good quality time with them and in the evening working in the same field, sometimes through the night to ensure we could make ends meet.
Then came the accident.  Life changed drastically and has been a roller-coaster (HATE EM) ride  ever since.   The first hurdle was getting a diagnosis, then to find treatment in the US, then the financial burden of medical bills,  then the dependancy on pain medications, all along the major challenge of preservation of every family members mental health, then the progression of my incurable disease with major loss in mobility, then the weight-loss battle (winning),  and recently my sentence to the chair... the wheelchair.
The story goes like this...
We finally found ourselves in a position to purchase our own home, we have always been renters.  The process was grueling but we came out of it with fairy-tale ending :0)
However, on moving day I had to go to the hospital and it was all downhill from there.  After several assessments and testing the result was I need to be in a wheelchair for life.  Say What!!!!!!
Today.  I am participating in aquatic physical therapy for increased strength, balance and mobility, the goal being independence through the use of a wheelchair.  Trying to learn how to live life in a wheelchair, what it takes to survive and how to set new "modified" goals for my future.
My overall goal for this blog is to entertain you while at the same time, shedding light on the process of change and adaptation not only to survive but to THRIVE, no matter what the burden may be.
Hope you enjoy...